haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
