I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
