So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
