Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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