I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
