Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
