I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think your dad took our porno
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
