I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The air taste purple.
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