In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
