so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
But break dance skills will only take you so far
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
