At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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