i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The best revenge is premature balding
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
