they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize