Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
