yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
