This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
