I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
