I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
