Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
