Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
