I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
