I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
