It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
