..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
