remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My balls are so social today.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
