any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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