You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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