I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
