he wants to bone in the snuggie
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
