did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
