This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
