pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
