It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
