the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
