I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
