My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
