I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
