where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
