good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
