it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
