If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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