Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
