God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
