I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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