i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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