I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
