i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
