ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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