he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
