The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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