Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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