About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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