Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
