# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
