Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
