then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
