I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
