i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
