Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize