I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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