Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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