dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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