If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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