Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
