Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
