ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
