I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
