he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
