you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In other news, I just burned my penis
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
