chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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