I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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