The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
