So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
