I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
