Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
