My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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