You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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