My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
