Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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