pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
