hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
