You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
