I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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